Part XXII - Division

Youth is a portion of the offering that tastes sweet but wears quickly. It can give meanings varied pathways that can take the adventurer to new hillsides of reasoning. The universe is unrelenting in its ability to allow for escape from the now and those hollow ideals come crashing down like over-ripened stones on a petrified vine. Callousness and shivery act as one when the choices are thick and time seems to rush you for the appropriate response. Vacuums of comprehension surrounds you and the toes of the coming beast can be seen when fear is doing the watching in the blackest part of night.

Friends and relations have been neatly categorized in three separations of illusions and stigmas. There are the ones who can be trusted, the ones that must be lied to, and then there are those that float continuously from one to the other depending on the mood at hand. Your dreams and confusions are linked together like charms on that bracelet the beauty in the classroom has. She plays with it through lessons and it has fascination in it that far exceeds the numbers and letters that have been assigned their place on the chalk board. Her charms are trinkets that at times resemble those parts of you that seem to fall from the seams of your disappearing existence.

She smiles like a saviour and your courage is asked to flex itself in order to make her the one trusted. But your lips fail you and the words that come out are not of the elegant variety that was so in order before the attempt to volley them occurred. Your face has also insisted to speak for you and every time you look into the mirror its reflection laughs at your infected courage. You can see what the world sees and you understand why the charm of the charms finds you repugnant even though she has never issued any kind of statement that could ever be considered in the manner of such.

Perceptions are illogical but their truths are all you have to lean on, until you sadly learn that they were splintered at best and the divisions divided you into those sections. For there are times you trust yourself, times you don't and then there's that constant feeling of never knowing anything about yourself. That place that feels so close to the blade that you can justify any dismembering of who you think you are, even though the fact is, that you are the biggest stranger in your own life. The paradox is unrelenting and awkwardness is it's forever companion. A duo that can make you bleed internally by merely allowing the sun to reflect of it's edge.

Heavy is the burden of the self-created obsolete, Hard is the pillow for the head that can never be comforted. Hidden are the feeling that posses the frightened spirit. Youth is not the act for the timid or the apathetic, it's the place were cutting your teeth on your own flesh is the habit of the addiction to uncertainty. And why are you left alone to your demons you may ask, but you chase them into your solitude for they are the products of your ability to occupy yourself, as the lives of the living went on just outside of your bedroom door.