The physiological umbilical chord is a many layered device that can stifle the advance from the yard of familiarity. There is an aspect on emotional clinging to the things that are simply understood. You may feel that the wide world and its many textured realities are more exciting, however, taking steps towards them needs a huge portion of bravery and self-belief. The fences that keep these possibilities clear from the normal, seem like protective barriers from the edges of the abyss on the other side of the easy and the conformed. In the youthful time you will venture now and then but seldom would the challenge be without the company of your fellow mercenaries in the wars against complacence.
Applying a constant pressure on apathy is what character is made of. That substance that needs the eternal experiences of existence to grow stronger and greatly varied in personality. You may damage parts of yourself in the ring of ultimate challenges, but with the gleam of resiliency the damage will be left quickly behind as you spurt in growth as a result of facing the gauntlet of the denial that your tribe has tried to bridle you with. If reliance on yourself becoming the assured blade, the conscious dawning will occur within the epiphany that fear and guilt is the greatest treasure that one generation gives to the next. That thread that distorts perception while it shreds your passions and desires into splinters and confusions.
Soon your heart will be attacked by a strange and wielded steel. This new force strikes you with a sickness that lingers like a deadly plague in the ancient town called affection. The way those eyes see you and the way that smile teases, hold you in a grip that is vice like. Your words scatter and their meaning is incoherent and the laughter of the rest in attendance makes you feel unorthodox and unusual. Someone tells you that you have fallen in love and those words explain the feeling oh so well. For you feel you are falling into a mist of fantasy, that seam between the the thought and the materialisation of such. There is this pain in your gut and it seems that a migration of butterflies is taking place throughout your interior. Please is your plead, but it remains silent and withheld.
Everything is so strange when all the concepts of life come tumbling down upon you like an avalanche of fresh powdered snow. You feel buried alive and air is the hardest thing to grasp when theses ideals start to bind you like a giant python from the outer worlds of the human dilemma. You feel so lost as time runs strangely slow in an almost deliberate intention to rake you through the hot embers of the eternal flame called life on the planet earth. You misunderstand everything and the brutalisation of those stories you were told give you the feeling that hope is a by-product of the comfortably domesticated. You can see that lies are ramped and you can feel yourself beginning to persevere yourself in the jars of descriptions that hurt less than the truths that seem to be flowering.
This umbilical cord winds around your neck and soon you are not getting all the air from the changing winds that have whirled through these youthful situations. You have fought the fight, you have the wounds to show for it, but do you truly know if you have won or lost? But perhaps, those words are nothing more than different edges of the same experience, the same moment of the part of life that can easily be distorted. If you can return from these battlefields with the understanding that reality is nothing more than a painting done with the tools that are available, then you have passed through these turmoiles with the understanding that life is perception and you are nothing more than a visitor.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
Part XXII - Division
Youth is a portion of the offering that tastes sweet but wears quickly. It can give meanings varied pathways that can take the adventurer to new hillsides of reasoning. The universe is unrelenting in its ability to allow for escape from the now and those hollow ideals come crashing down like over-ripened stones on a petrified vine. Callousness and shivery act as one when the choices are thick and time seems to rush you for the appropriate response. Vacuums of comprehension surrounds you and the toes of the coming beast can be seen when fear is doing the watching in the blackest part of night.
Friends and relations have been neatly categorized in three separations of illusions and stigmas. There are the ones who can be trusted, the ones that must be lied to, and then there are those that float continuously from one to the other depending on the mood at hand. Your dreams and confusions are linked together like charms on that bracelet the beauty in the classroom has. She plays with it through lessons and it has fascination in it that far exceeds the numbers and letters that have been assigned their place on the chalk board. Her charms are trinkets that at times resemble those parts of you that seem to fall from the seams of your disappearing existence.
She smiles like a saviour and your courage is asked to flex itself in order to make her the one trusted. But your lips fail you and the words that come out are not of the elegant variety that was so in order before the attempt to volley them occurred. Your face has also insisted to speak for you and every time you look into the mirror its reflection laughs at your infected courage. You can see what the world sees and you understand why the charm of the charms finds you repugnant even though she has never issued any kind of statement that could ever be considered in the manner of such.
Perceptions are illogical but their truths are all you have to lean on, until you sadly learn that they were splintered at best and the divisions divided you into those sections. For there are times you trust yourself, times you don't and then there's that constant feeling of never knowing anything about yourself. That place that feels so close to the blade that you can justify any dismembering of who you think you are, even though the fact is, that you are the biggest stranger in your own life. The paradox is unrelenting and awkwardness is it's forever companion. A duo that can make you bleed internally by merely allowing the sun to reflect of it's edge.
Heavy is the burden of the self-created obsolete, Hard is the pillow for the head that can never be comforted. Hidden are the feeling that posses the frightened spirit. Youth is not the act for the timid or the apathetic, it's the place were cutting your teeth on your own flesh is the habit of the addiction to uncertainty. And why are you left alone to your demons you may ask, but you chase them into your solitude for they are the products of your ability to occupy yourself, as the lives of the living went on just outside of your bedroom door.
Friends and relations have been neatly categorized in three separations of illusions and stigmas. There are the ones who can be trusted, the ones that must be lied to, and then there are those that float continuously from one to the other depending on the mood at hand. Your dreams and confusions are linked together like charms on that bracelet the beauty in the classroom has. She plays with it through lessons and it has fascination in it that far exceeds the numbers and letters that have been assigned their place on the chalk board. Her charms are trinkets that at times resemble those parts of you that seem to fall from the seams of your disappearing existence.
She smiles like a saviour and your courage is asked to flex itself in order to make her the one trusted. But your lips fail you and the words that come out are not of the elegant variety that was so in order before the attempt to volley them occurred. Your face has also insisted to speak for you and every time you look into the mirror its reflection laughs at your infected courage. You can see what the world sees and you understand why the charm of the charms finds you repugnant even though she has never issued any kind of statement that could ever be considered in the manner of such.
Perceptions are illogical but their truths are all you have to lean on, until you sadly learn that they were splintered at best and the divisions divided you into those sections. For there are times you trust yourself, times you don't and then there's that constant feeling of never knowing anything about yourself. That place that feels so close to the blade that you can justify any dismembering of who you think you are, even though the fact is, that you are the biggest stranger in your own life. The paradox is unrelenting and awkwardness is it's forever companion. A duo that can make you bleed internally by merely allowing the sun to reflect of it's edge.
Heavy is the burden of the self-created obsolete, Hard is the pillow for the head that can never be comforted. Hidden are the feeling that posses the frightened spirit. Youth is not the act for the timid or the apathetic, it's the place were cutting your teeth on your own flesh is the habit of the addiction to uncertainty. And why are you left alone to your demons you may ask, but you chase them into your solitude for they are the products of your ability to occupy yourself, as the lives of the living went on just outside of your bedroom door.
Part XXI - The Bars
There will come a time when you will be subjected to your limitations. Those ceilings and walls that are built by your family, teachers and society. You will feel constrained and your calls for an explanation will reflect that familiar chant, 'it's just the way it is.' You will want to know why, but all you will get for an explanation is, 'learn to deal with it.' You begin to realize that why is an impossible question to answer. It has millions on definitions and most of those seem to be fitted for the occasion and the style of those differences that others are delighted to see in you. Those traits that are easily understood for the sense of sight is the greediest of all.
You will either conform or be crushed or find resilience through your personal determination. There is a failure by those in control of your faculties in these times. There is an obvious contradiction, they trim your peculiarities but welcome your ability to occupy yourself. These failures result is that massive place within your creativity that houses your imagination, those concepts and their illusions that become so real to you. Your fantasy world builds you daydreams and escapes from the monotony of the daily schedule. Your body runs with the flock as your mind flees the situation. The saving nap from boredom has become the flight of creativity and its ability to make the same old into the brilliantly new.
You will be targeted if your addiction to anywhere but here becomes overtly noticeable. You will be chastised by remarks in the classroom such as, 'are you with us, hello in there, and please join us.' Your schoolmates will mimic these remarks at recess, but it is not their fault, for they are good little parrots who have been taught to react in the proper order, but still your individuality is in question. Reports of your behaviours will be brought home by you so the taunts can be handed over to those that worry if you will be well adjusted. You are being fitted for life within the capsule called humanity, a place where differences are only tolerated if they can pay their own way.
If by chance a welcomed deformity has been detected, you will be granted the space required for your speciality. Talent will save you from the stream of the same, for it separates you from the having to be normal. However, if you are not then placed with others like you, your social adjustments will be strained with the heavy pressures of jealousy, envy and placement in to the category of the handicapped. The tribe needs your difference badly but childhood is full of insecurities and anyone that is thought of as better than the rest must be avoided without mercy. Scars are deep but in their place is the unrestrained imagination and the worlds it creates for you to climb into.
Separation comes swiftly as the normal walk in unison. You have taught them that difference must be avoided all cost. To be included means that you can then foster cliques and small groups within the leagues within the accepted. You have proved that being normal can be attained if you throw away large portions of your distinctiveness. The normal will never be alone for the shallow waters are teaming with similarity because the depth within needs time in order to speak about the value of difference. Childhood realities become the structures that adults build their lives upon, even though, as time mists by, certain occasions will occur when all of it feels so useless.
You will either conform or be crushed or find resilience through your personal determination. There is a failure by those in control of your faculties in these times. There is an obvious contradiction, they trim your peculiarities but welcome your ability to occupy yourself. These failures result is that massive place within your creativity that houses your imagination, those concepts and their illusions that become so real to you. Your fantasy world builds you daydreams and escapes from the monotony of the daily schedule. Your body runs with the flock as your mind flees the situation. The saving nap from boredom has become the flight of creativity and its ability to make the same old into the brilliantly new.
You will be targeted if your addiction to anywhere but here becomes overtly noticeable. You will be chastised by remarks in the classroom such as, 'are you with us, hello in there, and please join us.' Your schoolmates will mimic these remarks at recess, but it is not their fault, for they are good little parrots who have been taught to react in the proper order, but still your individuality is in question. Reports of your behaviours will be brought home by you so the taunts can be handed over to those that worry if you will be well adjusted. You are being fitted for life within the capsule called humanity, a place where differences are only tolerated if they can pay their own way.
If by chance a welcomed deformity has been detected, you will be granted the space required for your speciality. Talent will save you from the stream of the same, for it separates you from the having to be normal. However, if you are not then placed with others like you, your social adjustments will be strained with the heavy pressures of jealousy, envy and placement in to the category of the handicapped. The tribe needs your difference badly but childhood is full of insecurities and anyone that is thought of as better than the rest must be avoided without mercy. Scars are deep but in their place is the unrestrained imagination and the worlds it creates for you to climb into.
Separation comes swiftly as the normal walk in unison. You have taught them that difference must be avoided all cost. To be included means that you can then foster cliques and small groups within the leagues within the accepted. You have proved that being normal can be attained if you throw away large portions of your distinctiveness. The normal will never be alone for the shallow waters are teaming with similarity because the depth within needs time in order to speak about the value of difference. Childhood realities become the structures that adults build their lives upon, even though, as time mists by, certain occasions will occur when all of it feels so useless.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Part XX - The Sandbox
Soon those steps you have learned to take bring you to new and more complicated experiences. You have paid the toll on the road to these new horizons by the scars you bear and the disconnections yours have tied you to. There are ways of perception that you have been given and fitted to you are plush blinders that have equipped you with that necessary tunnel vision that your particular section of society needs to have in order to stay uninspired. Your uniform and number have been issued and your similarity to the flock grants you membership to the second circle; that extension from your kin to the larger cluster of the tribe.
You have mastered sandbox etiquette and the skills you are mastering bring those gifted moments when you learn to share your pile and self. You have hit and been hit, you have hurt and been hurt, you have been rejected and you have turned your back on yesterday's friend. You have been chased from your castles in the sand by that big happy dog that licks your face because of all the tastes that have been left on it. Your mother has saved you on numerous occasions although in fact there was no danger in most, but perception has created your reality and mother seldom reasoned, she only reacted. You have fallen and grandmother has swept you up and startled you into tears that the scrape was not capable of giving you. Fears are implanted and their vines are free to entwine themselves throughout your mind.
The days go by and from sand to steel you move. The swings and bars bestow on you strength and flexibility to push your youthful endurance even harder. Balls for throwing, kicking and catching enhance your agility and coordination. Your body is like a piston full of moving from the fuel of wonderment and enchantment. The play ground is your empire, and all in it, from that hole near the sidewalk to that little girl with the constant flow from her nostrils, bleed into you the colours of boundless stories, mysteries and deluded facts. You sit with your comrades and discuss the clouds, sticks and the function of the bathroom. You laugh instantly and the only match for it is the spontaneity of your tears.
These binding times are essential to your physicality and the outcome of your future health. To learn to move the apparatus that your consciousness has been placed into is vital for the expansion of your future awareness. The interaction with your peers and theirs, brings you a sense of self in this realm that you have come to. Time is playing you constantly and your internal clock has been strictly wound. You are typical in your daily routines and when boredom of the normal pounds upon you, the nap is your quick relief. You are guided by the blueprint of what is considered normal although the tiny deviations in time will make you more like your family and slightly different than the tribe.
You soon will be integrated into the system of applied education, so you are being taught like a parrot to count and to follow the line of the alphabet. You recite like an angel amongst the rest in your herd and the praise that you are given is all that really matters. You will be entrenched into the pipe like other beads before you, as the flow moves slowly through the process of trimming off those shades of individuality. Fitting in is the virtue, any expression other than what is allowed for instantly separates you from the rest. Don't worry though, there is a team of cleaners that will lovingly help you to readjust yourself to the mainstream. Flow, my dear, within the similarity, and if it hurts, learn to keep it to yourself.
You have mastered sandbox etiquette and the skills you are mastering bring those gifted moments when you learn to share your pile and self. You have hit and been hit, you have hurt and been hurt, you have been rejected and you have turned your back on yesterday's friend. You have been chased from your castles in the sand by that big happy dog that licks your face because of all the tastes that have been left on it. Your mother has saved you on numerous occasions although in fact there was no danger in most, but perception has created your reality and mother seldom reasoned, she only reacted. You have fallen and grandmother has swept you up and startled you into tears that the scrape was not capable of giving you. Fears are implanted and their vines are free to entwine themselves throughout your mind.
The days go by and from sand to steel you move. The swings and bars bestow on you strength and flexibility to push your youthful endurance even harder. Balls for throwing, kicking and catching enhance your agility and coordination. Your body is like a piston full of moving from the fuel of wonderment and enchantment. The play ground is your empire, and all in it, from that hole near the sidewalk to that little girl with the constant flow from her nostrils, bleed into you the colours of boundless stories, mysteries and deluded facts. You sit with your comrades and discuss the clouds, sticks and the function of the bathroom. You laugh instantly and the only match for it is the spontaneity of your tears.
These binding times are essential to your physicality and the outcome of your future health. To learn to move the apparatus that your consciousness has been placed into is vital for the expansion of your future awareness. The interaction with your peers and theirs, brings you a sense of self in this realm that you have come to. Time is playing you constantly and your internal clock has been strictly wound. You are typical in your daily routines and when boredom of the normal pounds upon you, the nap is your quick relief. You are guided by the blueprint of what is considered normal although the tiny deviations in time will make you more like your family and slightly different than the tribe.
You soon will be integrated into the system of applied education, so you are being taught like a parrot to count and to follow the line of the alphabet. You recite like an angel amongst the rest in your herd and the praise that you are given is all that really matters. You will be entrenched into the pipe like other beads before you, as the flow moves slowly through the process of trimming off those shades of individuality. Fitting in is the virtue, any expression other than what is allowed for instantly separates you from the rest. Don't worry though, there is a team of cleaners that will lovingly help you to readjust yourself to the mainstream. Flow, my dear, within the similarity, and if it hurts, learn to keep it to yourself.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Part XIX - Communication
Through it all you have established individuality. You are considered your own entity though you are still being indoctrinated into the fold and the belief. You know that there is comfort in behaving and you use this knowledge to feed your requirements whenever you see fit although there are parts of yourself that confound your controllers and they are quick to put you in your place. There is a new force that is appearing and it is coached enthusiastically by all around. Your mind is training your vocal cords to sounds that apparently have meaning to them. Your elementary language arts paint extraordinary pictures in the minds of your captives and you move them at will with every repetition of their favourite sound.
Again time is the patient one as it allows you the room to experiment with the colours of speech in new and exciting ways. They gasp and fawn their approval and the smiles their actions give you entraps them even further. They relent on their strictness for you are now able to insist and defy with a sense of logic that leaves them guessing to your exact meaning. There is a future mark of hope in the stories you relate. They are inspired that you look at life with the newest focus and faith while they silently wonder how they lost their exuberance for the remarkable experience. They see the future in your wondering eyes and understand the promise that you give it with your natural need to take all that waits for you.
They drift at times into their obscurities along with their thoughts of how the years have escaped them while they hold themselves internally to crimes against their humanity. You have become their judge and jury for your purity and resilience forces them to see how much has drifted away and that is why when they hold you closely you can feel their tears tracing down your face like a blessing from the past. They feel your tiny words washing through their souls in a cascade of forgiveness and gratitude that life has chosen them to honour in such a way with you their new Messiah. You can walk on water, you can fly through the skies and you can give all those that embrace you the gift of redemption for committing the mortal sin of being a mere mortal.
However, there are those occurrences when you leave their grip and run into the path of distraction before they rescue you from the idea and give you the feel of fear. The scolding that tells you there are things in life that will hurt you and disfigure you and damn you to an eternity of looking over your shoulder for the wrath of an honest mistake or a well taught instruction. You begin to wonder if you are posed and ready to explode into emptiness if the car hits you or the dog mauls you or if the stranger steals you. Fear is implanted and it begins to grow like the hardiest weed in existence. Your garden needs to be trimmed and treated with insecticides, blades and rollers. Your growth is nurtured but it will not be tolerated if you want to bend anyway other than the rows of hedges you are being planted next to.
You communicate your individuality and it is considered a wonderful exercise, but how far will they allow your originality to roam is the question, for their chance at the same enterprise was skilfully cut from them by the earlier infected. The brilliance of your independence shines too bright in their eyes and that is why the curtain must be drawn swiftly and without resistance. You are one of them and that is more important that being yourself. Your lifetime membership has been processed and you will be horrified at what will happen to you if you ever want to leave the hive. Your wings may grow strong and your needs may become too hard to resist but never believe that everyone of them will ever be happy that you may want to leave their Eden behind to find your own personal heaven or hell.
Again time is the patient one as it allows you the room to experiment with the colours of speech in new and exciting ways. They gasp and fawn their approval and the smiles their actions give you entraps them even further. They relent on their strictness for you are now able to insist and defy with a sense of logic that leaves them guessing to your exact meaning. There is a future mark of hope in the stories you relate. They are inspired that you look at life with the newest focus and faith while they silently wonder how they lost their exuberance for the remarkable experience. They see the future in your wondering eyes and understand the promise that you give it with your natural need to take all that waits for you.
They drift at times into their obscurities along with their thoughts of how the years have escaped them while they hold themselves internally to crimes against their humanity. You have become their judge and jury for your purity and resilience forces them to see how much has drifted away and that is why when they hold you closely you can feel their tears tracing down your face like a blessing from the past. They feel your tiny words washing through their souls in a cascade of forgiveness and gratitude that life has chosen them to honour in such a way with you their new Messiah. You can walk on water, you can fly through the skies and you can give all those that embrace you the gift of redemption for committing the mortal sin of being a mere mortal.
However, there are those occurrences when you leave their grip and run into the path of distraction before they rescue you from the idea and give you the feel of fear. The scolding that tells you there are things in life that will hurt you and disfigure you and damn you to an eternity of looking over your shoulder for the wrath of an honest mistake or a well taught instruction. You begin to wonder if you are posed and ready to explode into emptiness if the car hits you or the dog mauls you or if the stranger steals you. Fear is implanted and it begins to grow like the hardiest weed in existence. Your garden needs to be trimmed and treated with insecticides, blades and rollers. Your growth is nurtured but it will not be tolerated if you want to bend anyway other than the rows of hedges you are being planted next to.
You communicate your individuality and it is considered a wonderful exercise, but how far will they allow your originality to roam is the question, for their chance at the same enterprise was skilfully cut from them by the earlier infected. The brilliance of your independence shines too bright in their eyes and that is why the curtain must be drawn swiftly and without resistance. You are one of them and that is more important that being yourself. Your lifetime membership has been processed and you will be horrified at what will happen to you if you ever want to leave the hive. Your wings may grow strong and your needs may become too hard to resist but never believe that everyone of them will ever be happy that you may want to leave their Eden behind to find your own personal heaven or hell.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Part XVIII - Vantage Point
Your awareness has kept pace with your physical growth. Your head moves swiftly on a flexible neck that is supported by a stronger base. You can see through windows, through trees and clouds as your intellect has begun to formulate ideas of what all the fuss is about. Your consciousness and creativity dance within your mind drawing those new waltzes, tangos and other artistic paintings from the inspiration of your senses. You smile and laugh at everything, for it seems to be meant as an entertainment for your spirit. The way the door moves, the way the curtains draw and the way the blanket captures you under its playful reach. You can feel the difference between a warm bath and a cold breeze though you are not sure which is more stimulating.
You sit upon the sand as the spent waves roll to their demise on your legs and trunk while the gulls and other children lap at the moment like thirsty nomads at a desert spring. Again you notice how your laughter is contagious to all that come near, be them yours or others. When the wet puppy jumps on you and you fall backwards with its tongue lapping as your face forms that expression that tells all that you have been startled, you are picked up swiftly as laughter and cooing are blended into a oozing substance that lubricates the experience until your smile reappears quickly and your call to be lowered again is heard. Again you have conquered the first few volleys of fear but they will build in intensity.
You sit upon the sofa and watch yours watching moving images that make them react while you are held on pins and needles not sure when you will be frightened again. When you begin to cry, you are told that you are sleepy and there has been too much stimulation. It is quickly decided that bed time has come and soon you will be listening to notes circling in the darkened air once more after those rhythmic words are spoken again. You are left in this dream unable to understand the fictions in your mind. They seem so reminiscent of the day that you have spent, but it isn't from the perception that you had before, instead it seems to be above the encounter like some sort of vision that glistened below.
All of these days are like never before though they seem like moulded concepts that fall from the furnace fractured and splintered in different ways. Your reliable tandem, your consciousness and creativity colour every detail in a permanent way. You are beginning to become conservative in your attitudes about change. You know the pillow is not supposed to be there and the cat cannot lap at your custard anymore now that you know that its tale can be bent towards persuasion. The scratches you receive are harmless although the whole tribe feels the cat must not be allowed to infiltrate your territory but it is your friend and you cry loudly when it is sent outside for the crime of defending itself.
You are not entrusted with the knowledge that your life's needs and discomforts are being forged into you mental memories. You cannot understand that what are now tiny idiosyncrasies are going to evolve into tears into your personal beliefs of yourself. Time gives you plenty of space for you to corner yourself in a fashion of a hunted killer with the enormous need not to have to worry about what may be behind, be it someone or something that was once avoided. There are no hiding places in life but you are at the age where you rely on them, for you have found them in the dark, in the open, below your mother's breast and deep in your sleep. You know there is availability for that is the one thing you have plenty of.
You sit upon the sand as the spent waves roll to their demise on your legs and trunk while the gulls and other children lap at the moment like thirsty nomads at a desert spring. Again you notice how your laughter is contagious to all that come near, be them yours or others. When the wet puppy jumps on you and you fall backwards with its tongue lapping as your face forms that expression that tells all that you have been startled, you are picked up swiftly as laughter and cooing are blended into a oozing substance that lubricates the experience until your smile reappears quickly and your call to be lowered again is heard. Again you have conquered the first few volleys of fear but they will build in intensity.
You sit upon the sofa and watch yours watching moving images that make them react while you are held on pins and needles not sure when you will be frightened again. When you begin to cry, you are told that you are sleepy and there has been too much stimulation. It is quickly decided that bed time has come and soon you will be listening to notes circling in the darkened air once more after those rhythmic words are spoken again. You are left in this dream unable to understand the fictions in your mind. They seem so reminiscent of the day that you have spent, but it isn't from the perception that you had before, instead it seems to be above the encounter like some sort of vision that glistened below.
All of these days are like never before though they seem like moulded concepts that fall from the furnace fractured and splintered in different ways. Your reliable tandem, your consciousness and creativity colour every detail in a permanent way. You are beginning to become conservative in your attitudes about change. You know the pillow is not supposed to be there and the cat cannot lap at your custard anymore now that you know that its tale can be bent towards persuasion. The scratches you receive are harmless although the whole tribe feels the cat must not be allowed to infiltrate your territory but it is your friend and you cry loudly when it is sent outside for the crime of defending itself.
You are not entrusted with the knowledge that your life's needs and discomforts are being forged into you mental memories. You cannot understand that what are now tiny idiosyncrasies are going to evolve into tears into your personal beliefs of yourself. Time gives you plenty of space for you to corner yourself in a fashion of a hunted killer with the enormous need not to have to worry about what may be behind, be it someone or something that was once avoided. There are no hiding places in life but you are at the age where you rely on them, for you have found them in the dark, in the open, below your mother's breast and deep in your sleep. You know there is availability for that is the one thing you have plenty of.
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